an ode to roma..

Yesterday while at work.. i had my messenger window open and started chatting with a "friend" from the past.. yeah, notice the quotations.. :) Anyway.. mom, dad.. if you're reading this.. i suggest you stop.. ahahahaha.. but if you want to proceed.. you are doing so at your own risk.. i warned you..

So.. this "friend" is someone i've known for 8 years now.. we first met through ICQ.. remember that online chatting forum?? It's super duper old-school.. ahahahaha.. anyway.. it all started there.. with a super simple and innocent ciao! Yes, he's Italian.. but is currently living in London.. and it seems like he might be there long-term since he just bought a house.. congrats (i know you're reading).. Back to my story.. we used to talk about anything and everything.. and it was great.. he'd tell me about his life.. i'd tell him about mine.. we'd give each other advice on the guys in my life or the girls in his.. it was a good situation.. until we exchanged pictures.. and you know how back then (maybe even now).. people always tell you not to believe anything you hear from someone online.. well.. this picture that he sent me.. let me just say that he was HOT!! Ahahahahah.. yeah.. i mean.. i knew he was smart.. and philosophical and all that.. but when i saw the picture, i was like.. wow.. this is the total package.. is he for real? To make an extremely long story short.. we ended up meeting.. in Rome (i flew from lebanon).. for a few days.. we didn't have a chance to see each other more than once and i thought that would be the end of that.. it wasn't an ideal first meeting, let me put it that way..

But it didn't end there.. we found a way to try and meet up again.. and we did.. quite a few times after that actually.. i even decided to get my mba in paris because he was in rome.. funny how people that you meet change the entire direction of your life.. needless to say.. the timing was all off. i mean.. yes, we saw each other while i was living in paris.. but it didn't work out.. for whatever reasons.. he was doing his thing.. and i was doing mine.. we didn't really put the effort to make it work.. again, you'd think that would be the end of that right?

It's now 8 years later.. i haven't seen him in over 4 years.. but we've found a way (through the internet surprise surprise.. ahahahaha) to stay in contact.. whether it's an e-mail every now and then.. or a chat on messenger.. or a phone call.. we keep each other updated on our lives.. so yesterday.. we started talking.. about everything that's been going on in our lives.. my move here.. my new job.. his new house.. his life.. everything.. and with him and i.. you never know where a conversation is going to lead.. but this time it went back to us.. the boy that icq'd the girl in a different country 8 years ago..

So, now i'll just say what my view on this is.. since i can't speak for him.. when things were good between us, they were great.. fantastic even.. but on that same note.. when they were bad.. well.. you get the point.. and to this day.. there is NO ONE that i have ever met that can get such a reaction out of me.. whether good or bad.. so what does all that mean? I don't know.. he doesn't know.. we spoke about some things yesterday that i won't talk about here.. for many many many reasons.. but at the end of the day.. it just makes me wonder.. he's the first and only person i've ever felt anything more than "like" for.. so is it possible.. that i had it right 8 years ago.. that i knew what i wanted then more than i do now? Is he even still an option. he says he is.. but for me to take him seriously.. i need a sign.. a gesture, if you will.. and if i get that.. then seriously readers.. i'll have a heart attack (in the best sense, of course).. he will be in the States in a few months for business.. and if we end up seeing each other.. well, we'll see what happens.. i need to see him first.. but just imagine.. all these years.. and i had it right back then.. was it all a waste of time?? Or did i have to go through all these years.. to just come back where i started.. hmm..

wondering..
nounou